I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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