i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just invented taco cereal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
