don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
