he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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