D3 body, D1 cock
So drunk its hurt
it hurts more in the daytime
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize