I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
