i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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