True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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