I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
