I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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