That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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