WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
