First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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