She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
