we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
