mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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