U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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