I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
