How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
