if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
