Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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