Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
