it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im part way to drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
