You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
vagina is talking i cant
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
