I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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