I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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