you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
