so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
