I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
