I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
