trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
