Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
