i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
