yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
