It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's never too late to be topless.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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