Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize