Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
