I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
