you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
