I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
