omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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