there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what day is it and did you see me today?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize