oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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