I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
