Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
