yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
