I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
