no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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