I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
