Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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