He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
