so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
