I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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