At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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