i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
