I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
