Its about making memories worth repressing
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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