Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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