I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
