You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
