Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize