dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
