I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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