dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
