I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
