Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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