i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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