I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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