He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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