Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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