I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
