I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
