I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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