i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My bed smells like the plague
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
