Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
