she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
