true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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