So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
