and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
